I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
