just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
