Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
