so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just high enough for therapy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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