I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
