im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
