Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
