i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
