YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
