I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
