i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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