I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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