Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
