For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
