if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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