dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
