Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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