Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
