just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
