I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
