So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
