Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
