Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
