you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
