I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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