He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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