So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
