Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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