I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize