i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
