your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
