Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
