I'm really into asian looking animals
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
