Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
