I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
