all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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