I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think my fart just growled at me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
