im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
