You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
