I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize