Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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