Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
