she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
