so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
