Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
