this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
