so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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