So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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