I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
