bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize