i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
