how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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