How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
