the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
