Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
