If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
