i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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