He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
