Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
