RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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