Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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