He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
