I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I faked an abortion last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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