He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
