I just threw up on my dentist
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
