So drunk its hurt
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
